First step to Change...not fight it.

As some of you know ... (cause you personally know me). I often wake up at random odd hours. Normally I sit on the sofa, stare at the TV or on FaceBook, wishing how I could just go back to sleep.
Then 6:30am rolls around and I am soooo tired, (because I was focusing on wanting to go back to sleep.) I go back to bed, only to find my eyes shut for a few moments then its 8:00am, I am grumpy and I still have the rest of the day to go through.

Well today I didn't fight my body! It said at 3:58am.
Time to get up!
At first I must say I did roll over and say No, just a few minuets longer.
However my body said YES, Get UP!
So I got out of bed, dimmed some lights through out the house, trying not to wake the other four people that are sleeping ever so peacefully.

And I thought to myself might as well go on a jog. Soooooo....

Today was the first day I got up at 4am to go on a Jog! (It was more like a walk jog for the most of it, with little bit of jogging sprints.)

At first my little jog was easy, but then the cool morning air hit my lungs. Made it kinda hard to breath at first. I had to slow down a bit. It was not a very long one either, But still. I did it!

Now as I am typing this I find myself wanting to go back to my nice warm bed. Its 5:45am. Maybe I should see what a little cat nap might do.

Today I took the first step in not fighting what my body tells me.
Lets see how this day goes.

Hope Everyone enjoys their day. :)

The Art of Letting Go.

Letting Go....

I have had many conversations with someone I used to call a friend about the idea of letting go.
How to let go. When to let go. What to let go.

Now I have conversations about REALLY Letting Go, learning that everything will come to pass.

Some of you may be asking Letting Go of what?

Letting go of the guilt, anger, worries, grief, fear, doubts, the should, shouldn't, all the suffering, the double suffering. ( I do alot of double suffering.)

When I would have these conversations, I would ask how to let go.

Now I finally understand what it feels like to let go.
 And I have to share it with you...my dear readers.

Its when you feel like you are at lost, you have tried all your options and you throw your hands up in the air and say to your self...maybe to the world "I am done! I give up!" You wipe your hands clean to confirm this, and as you do this the burden of whatever Suffering was on your shoulders finally lets go.

That is what it feels like to let go.

After you let go, and you finally think you are Really done, something wonderful happens, a small window opens and light shines in.... answers come pouring in. Then you realize the answers were already there. They were just covered up by the worries, the fear, anger, grief, guilt..... basically all the suffering we put on ourselves.

Then we start again, by saying "I should have seen that!" (double suffering)

Letting go is really just that same feeling, with the understanding the answers will show themselves when we are ready to see they are there.

I am not saying this is easy.
Nor am I saying that I don't get emotional, with the fear, the guilt, the worries, anger, and the shoulds.

What I am saying is Whatever IT is.... it will pass.
There will be good times and bad times.
Enjoy the good ones, work through the bad ones.
And when those creeping feelings of judgements (sufferings) start to bestow upon yourself,
Let go.

Possible (its short)

Each day we get caught up in what is not going right, and all the drama of daily life. If we let it, It can hold us captive. Then we repeat the same patterns over and over like beating us over the head. And yet we move on with in this circle, unable to open our minds and just see.... what IS possible. Well my friends, I have not mastered the art of All the possible things in life. However I have mastered the art of understanding that nothing is Impossible.

The Universe Listens.... and talks back.

I have finally started seeing how the universe listens. It does give you what is being asked for. 

Details are very important in this time. If you leave out details of what it is you want... You might just get a whole lot of what you don't want. 

Also the universe will test you to make sure you want what you are asking for... sometimes when a pebble is thrown in your way there are three choices. 1. kick it, 2. trip over it, or 3. step over it.  

A pebble was thrown in my way On Tuesday, I was supposed to start working. When I got there all proud of myself for being on time, and not rushing. I was told that I would have to start next week instead. I understood her reasoning. However when I walked out the door I took big sniffles... You know the ones that shake your whole inside when you are trying to not cry out loud. I was feeling pretty emotional about it. Kinda confused and worried if I still had the job I was offered just the week before.

Then I came to realize it was the universe listening to me again.... I was just not ready to start yet. I had some meetings to do and projects to finish.

Early Tuesday, the Morning of me going back to work, Miss K had a tummy and an ear ache, later she ended up in the hospital due to an object being trapped in her ear.  Since I didn't go to work, a friend that just happen to be in the area picked me up, (another thing the universe heard.... I needed a ride) I was able to bring snacks to my Hubbie and Miss K. As soon as they got done with the snacks, we got called back and I was able to be there for my little girl. She was so brave.

Though we almost ended up back in the hospital again when I burnt my finger on the pan taking it out of the oven... I was lucky and it was only second degree burns. (when I was not listening to what the universe was trying to tell me)

Today I was able to stay home with Miss K. just to make sure she was OK, the night before she went to bed with a small fever. Which the DR said could be from the pressure place on the ear drum her body was trying to fight the object that was pushing up against it. I was able to keep an eye on her and she didn't run a fever at all today, while getting spoiled with Happy Plant smoothies and sugar free cookies. She made sure to tell Mr C and Miss B about all the yummy treats she had today.

I was also able to sell a necklace and finish up a few projects I had going.

However, today again I was not listening to what the universe was saying and I again hurt myself by running the corner of my beading tray in between my rib cage knocking the breath out of me, sending me right down to my knees gasping for air. Still when I breath or move some ways, I feel it.

I believe I am supposed to be taking it easy and resting.....  this week. Since the universe is not speaking with words I have to take its hints... though tomorrow seems like its planning out to be a busy day... I am going to try and make it a easy resting day.

Life is good.

Heaven or Hell (Life has been Crazy!)

Life has been super crazy and I love it!

After starting Bonds of Love, I found a small amount of peace.

That peace let me get through the time that my husband was out of the country.

He is soon to go back out of the country and another small piece of peace has found me, I will start working at a job where I can learn to do more for my business...Bonds Of Love.

I love to be busy.... the busier I am ...the better I am. The more I do, the more I am able to get done. Up until almost 3 years ago and as far back as high school, I have almost always had three jobs.

I love how Life test you, and keeps you on your toes. I am thankful that I am able to find my way out of the darkness that I once lived in. Everyday is a battle, a battle I am willing to fight. Not just sit and wallow in it like its the unshakable plague.

It was not easy to climb out, and honestly I really don't know how I got there. However, I do know how to Get out and how to stay Out of the darkness. It has to be done in baby steps. Each day I take a step forward, looking for the good, focusing on the good things, I make small changes, and I can finally see, while being grateful for my wonderful life. Yes there are days where I slip and that dark mood strikes me, normally those days I haven't gotten out of my pj's and I feel totally gross. But I don't beat myself up over it. I just say "its OK to have a bum out day". Then the next day comes, I make myself dress, I go out... and Normally I end up at some place great!

I have learned something I always knew.
We can live in Hell or We can Live in Heaven .... right here on earth ...
Focusing on the bad and the Ugly = Hell.
Focusing on the Good and the Beautiful = Heaven

We just have to pick .... I pick Heaven.... How about you?

When Dog $h!T Happens!

Lets see where to start this....

When I was in my teen years as a punishment I was made to go outside and clean up dog poo with a broken handled shovel and a bag. I would gag and be in tears by what I thought was a horrible punishment! I remember being so mad about it...

Now lets fast forward to the present day....

I live in the city, where you have to pick up your dogs poo and hope there is some kind of trashcan with in a few meters of where your lovable beast decides to put down his $#!^.

This is the item I bought for my wonderful dog... aka Pooping machine. This item is a wonderful thing... it attaches to the leash and allows you to pull out just one bag at a time and its refillable.... So in theory you will never be with out a bag.




My hubbie on the other hand does not like this item, I bought that latches onto the leash for the connivance of never having to worry about having a poopie bag on hand when ever our dog needs to lay down his duty. Even though I was tired of finding random poopie bags all over the house, or in pockets of jackets or jeans....And then to think we are out but really we have a whole roll stashed in odd places O.o

At first he would take it off the leash and I would put it back on the leash.... this went on for a few weeks, finally I just gave in and didn't put it back on again...

Then the other day I was out with our dog just after taking the kids to school, I brought just one bag with me ... which he always does just one in the morning BUT not that morning he went Twice! Later I was informed it was his favorite spot to go poo! HA .... Panic struck through me, feeling like a bad dog owner, I hung my head low and swore to myself if only I had that poopie bag holder!!!

Today I went to grab just one bag and thought twice... maybe I should take the whole roll with me. There was NO Way I was going to relive the feeling of being a bad city dog owner...

And Then it happened! 
The bag split! With the poo falling right back to the ground... Thankfully I brought the whole roll, so taking off the second bag I noticed the bottom of that one was not closed ... so I tied a knot and re-picked up the poop as well as the broken bag...with the flash backs of being a girl that was sooooo upset about picking poo up with a shovel....

Life sure is funny! And Yes the Poopie bag holder is Now Back On the Leash!

Alittle Rant...I stayed up..

I stayed up ...until now which is 12:23 am... which for the past week I have been going to bed early. One hour after the kiddoes go to sleep expect for Thursday night I had to stay up and watch Nikita ... I really like that show.

Anyways, every night for the past week I snuggle down and fall fast to sleep only to be awaken around this time by some strange noise...

So tonight I stayed awake trying to be crafty and make something. New point never try to be creative when ready for bed.... Doesn't work!

Needless to say I have not heard this strange noise that seems to jar me about of my wonderful peaceful sleep.

I hope I can get a good night sleep now... I have found if I go to sleep early. I can sleep, if I stay awake past my bed time, I do not sleep really well.... if at all.

Well I am off to bed ...peaceful dreams here I come.