I have allot of new stuff going on right now.
Firstly,( I never knew firstly was a word until last year when my sons teacher wrote it on her agenda for the month.) I am having new sleeping patterns which tends to have me up at odd hours... it seems I like to get up between the hours of 2:30am-4am. In a perfect world I would really like to get up at 5:30am and have my coffee done by 7. Maybe 5:30 is pushing it...6:30, so at least when I go to grind my coffee, it will not wake up the whole house to early. Regardless of when I would like to get up.... it seems like 4/4:30am is the time my body really enjoys, even through the big yawns and the thoughts of "why the hell am I awake now" keep entering my mind.
Second, I have started hand crafting jewelry, some people call it beading..however its more then just putting things on a string. I finally feel its my way of making art. I love art and wish I studied it more in school when I was younger. I sold a set too, I mailed it off yesterday. I have a really great support system in place, which is nice and possibly something I have never accepted before. I am not sure where I picked up the social mentality of I do not need people... and I do not ask for help. I am realizing this way of thinking does not make me happy and after almost 25 years of thinking this way, I am trying to change it. (The reason I say 25 years and not my age is due to ...when I was younger then 5..of course I needed help.)
Which this leads into my third new thing.
Third, I am stepping out of my box and trying new things...which I hope leads me to finding my true self that I once knew and now lost. Growing up I was always a strong willed child and spoke my mind whenever possible..I got into allot of trouble this way. Never meaning to hurt people. Over the years I have shoved myself into this conforming box of this is how you should act. And I have found that in that time pieces of me slowly went away or so I thought. Now they are peaking back into sight. Yet I am still having trouble with my voice. (Its so easy to just turn and look away not pay attention to the world going on around you. But then something happens and it wakes you up a bit... and you see your life for what it really is and you are not happy with it.) I am ready to fix the issues that I have... but what I really need to learn is to say its not my issue! You DeaL With It! I am learning that I take on other peoples issues that are not my own, and I often do well, yet the issues still keep coming around. And while it may effect me,(and not all do affect me) its still Not my issue. I can no longer be that protective charming pit bull to hide behind. I am ready to see my poodle side :)
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