Boxing Day!

December 26th Is Boxing Day!

For all my USA followers, No this is not a day were Canadians sit around to watch boxing or anything to do with the sport of Boxing. (cheeky laugh here)

As far as I can tell its just like Black Friday in the USA.... something I never took part of and often thought people were nuts for even daring to go out on Black Friday....(Yes even you Mom) :)

Today my wonderful husband got up at 5:15ish and started hunting for the best deals on a TV... our friends were thinking about starting a fund raiser due to how old are TV was....  with that, I thought it was about time for us to finally break down and get one of em fancy little flat screens ALL MY FRIENDS have.

So at 5:25AM I crawled out of my warm bed ...sleepy eyed,  walked into the kitchen to start fixing coffee and cereal bowls.....(I could not help but to feel some pleasure as we woke the kids up...payback is Ours) as they grumpily asked us WHY we were getting them up in the middle of the Night....(mind you just the morning before .... Christmas DAY we were up at 5:35AM, they had smiles of glee plastered on their faces with squeals of pure delight!)

My husband tells us we have 15 minutes before we have to get out of the house to make it there by 6:00AM .... Can you believe people really want to get to the store by SiX O'clocK in THE MORNING just TO BUY STUFF!

OK we are in the car!....town is kinda slow, not many cars on the road.... feeling this is going to be good. "Not many people out on the roads hun....maybe its not like the States Black Friday after all." I say to my husband. Then as we come up to the store OUR eyes open WIDE .... we circle the block of the little mini mall.... People LINED UP all around the BLOCK.... CAN you believe it! AROUND the WHOLE freaking block just for one store... of course nothing else was open except a little cafe.

My husband looks at me as we try to pull into the unopened parking garage "damn the parking deck is not even open... forget this Lets just go home... I can't EVEN find a parking spot!" Then one of my wonderful children perk up "sure you can Daddy...you can find somewhere to park...we are up now lets go in." I agreed with them as my other children joined in saying "Lets go in...Lets go in...see if we can get a new TV Daddy!"

Its now 6:00am, we park a block away from the store at least we could see the doors from where we were. Our eyes light up as we sit and watch the people go inside. "cool they opened the doors ..Lets go!" We make way over to the entrance and see they are stopping people only letting a few at a time. I look at my husband and then the kids, they seem like they are game to stand in line. 6:06am... we are in the doors!
By 6:45am We are OUT with OUR Brand New TV and Wall mount! WHEW!

That place was a MAD HOUSE....But somehow we got in and out within less then 40 minutes!! I felt bad for the people that spent all Night  camping out, waiting in line just to beat us by 6 minutes....
To each is there own.

Until next time .... Happy Shopping!

Christmas Eve...

Today is Christmas, Yay for family fun and cheers!

I love this time of year, it makes me smile to watch my children's eyes light up with joy, to see family come together and bond with all walls down even if it is just for a day, gifts of from the past and rooms filled with love. That is what December 25th is for me.

However until yesterday I never knew how important December 24th was to me. Yesterday I had to work, I said I would work....so a co-worker could enjoy her holiday tradition of a German style Christmas. Little did I realize December 24th is just as important to me as December 25th.

My husbands family always had done Christmas on the 24th and since we are not in North Carolina to be with them, we chose to let the kids still open one present each on this day to still hold tradition so to speak. So yesterday morning I had not finished all the wrapping and I had to quickly wrap a gift so it could be given out to one of my girls, I wished to myself while wrapping that I had time to do all the gifts that were left....in totally were about 5, I also still had the shopping bug and wished that I could have bought a few more things.

I know most people do shopping early and each year I say to myself next year I will not be shopping on the eve of the 25th. That promise came true this year, and boy it hurt. It hurt to watch the kids open the first gift and me not be able to watch them play with them. It hurt to watch them do the final shop with out me. It hurt not to have time to fix a good breakfast or dinner as I have done so many years before.

I have learned from this..... I really need to watch what I say! I know I have the power to make things real.

Today we were up at 5:30am and I had a smile on my face knowing how painful it can be to not be there to share with your family. For this lesson I am thankful for working on one of the most important days of the year in my families little world. Cherish time....

And until next time....Happy Holidays!

I don't Know...to..... I will figure it out!

About two months ago I was talking to a friend and I noticed that I said " I don't know" like three times back to back. I looked at my friend and told her I really need to stop saying that. She then told me that I also said that a few months before. She said It would be nice for me to think of something else to say... However from that point on I would catch myself saying "I don't know". Then it got to the point were I would not say it, but I would think it... over and over again. Then I would get mad at myself for feeling like I have no power over breaking this bad habit of I don't knows. Now that I think back to my past, I had always "I don't know" through my whole life. Well I am ready to Know, I am ready to stop IDKing my life away. I know once I set my mind to make something happen.. I have the power to make it happen, but often times I lose that power, that drive, and I go back to my fence of I don't knows... it is what I feel is my safe place... I realize that now it is not a healthy safe place. I am looking for a new healthy way to live... on the path of I will figure it out!

This is the comment I left on Owningpink.com a Blog page I love to follow now....  check it out.
http://www.owningpink.com/blogs/owning-pink/the-i-dont-know-conspiracy

Thank you Owningpink ... The topics that are written in each blog really move me to become more positive, more driven and less of a fence sitter... each day I fight the battle of thinking to much to the point of doing nothing at all.... Today is the day I will stop thinking about things to much and saying I don't know.... Today "I will figure it out"!

Life comes at you...

Sorry I have not written in awhile, Life came at me!

Between working, the kids school play, holiday shopping and fighting with my landlord, there was not much time to actually sit down and write anything....

Heck I did not even cook but once this week, which is not like me at all. I make a meal plan once a week and I stick to it. I love food, it brings me great joy to cook.

Even though I did not get to do the things I enjoy most which is cooking and writing, I have been doing other things I enjoy, I have been reading Smart Women Finish Rich ( which I have already read twice).....going to the kids Christmas show ..(which was so great to see everyone so welcoming to the holiday spirit).....Also I have been searching eBay trying to get a grasp of how it works again a seller. And of course SHOPPING I just love buying gifts, I picture the smiles and excitement in the persons eyes when they open the gift, I am going to buy them, it really warms my heart to give gifts! Sometimes I wish I had more money so I could give Everyone I know Gifts...but life gets in the way of that too sometimes.

Then there were things I had to do that I did not enjoy such as ....Fighting with my landlord, which I am not even going to write about, cleaning, driving the van back from SSI (which I have never driven in the city and at night time..OMG lets not even go there!)

Working is not so bad, I really love talking coffee with people and when I have a good team player that is positive to work with it makes it really GREAT! Today was not one of those days and my team player ended up walking out on her shift and she wanted me to get caught up in the drama...

Anyways this is going to be a short one... I am tired, my second long day of standing on my feet talking coffee, and Boy are those holiday shoppers mean! I do hope they turn on those pretty smiles and when people open the gifts and the room fills with delight..... because if they are like how they are in these holiday shopping days, the room is going to be uptight.

Until next time ..... Happy Shopping and please remember to say Excuse me Please when you hit someone with your shopping buggy!

Joy of Food!

How many people take the time to make REAL homemade food these days?


With busy times, life in the fast lane of this work work work, money driven world we forget about the simple things in life. Yet we try to focus on how can we make ourselves healthier, marketing does a great job of confusing what is "healthy" good for you foods and what is not. We are told to read the labels, do research, OMG the stress of it all!

Buy organic ..no buy local.... can you really afford local and organic? Shop here, no shop there.

With all this said.... I would love to have a green house, were I could grow my own veggies all year long. Be able to buy local fresh meats that are possibly organic.
However with a family of 5 ... out the door is the possibilities of Organic Milk that cost almost 10 dollars a gallon. Then people say "Oh I do not drink cow Milk... due to reasons of A, B and C... I drink soy or almond..." which both are processed foods as well.... is that really better for you?
Some people even frown or look shocked when I tell them I buy real butter... well atleast what the food store calls real butter.... and lets not mention the word Lard...

I learned how to cook on the stove top at a fairly young age and loved being in the kitchen, there I learned how to make alot of homemade foods...

I believe homemade foods stick with you alot longer then the pre-packaged just simmer on the stove  or pop in the microwave for a few minutes kinda foods.


Over time I would go back & forth on homemade foods. My husband and I would spend many weekends in the kitchen pre-making meals for the week... while he and I both worked full time jobs. Every once in awhile I would look at my husband with this LOOK of  is it all worth it...  At times became a chore and with that out went the JOY of Food.

Now that we live in Canada  I am learning about healthier ways to eat.... what is healthy to some is not healthy to others.... but I do think you should not cut out all the "bad" stuff. There have been to many times where I have heard  "the most said healthiest people" die suddenly of heart failure or something that just went wrong within their body ... I think its because we have taken the JOY of FOOD out of our lives.

Now I am learning to bake... more then just cookies, cakes and pies... I am teaching myself the art of breads....doughs, homemade biscuits, pizzas, tortillas, pie crust, not just sweet pies but meat pies as well!
Even though I cook with things like real butter and lard, I rarely cook DEEP FRIED foods...
 I can say I know mostly what is really in the Foods I eat, I am trying to put the JOY of Foods back into my Daily Life, and learning that just because its good for you doesn't mean it can not have Flavor!

<-----Check out this cookbook for all your cooking needs!
It truly is the only cookbook you will ever need.

I've Been Swipped!

I have been Swiped!!!

Yes you heard Right.... To bad I was not there to Say "Swipper NO Swiping!"

Some Lovely person skimmed my Debit Card Number, as I punched the secret code into the hand held key pad was able to take all my info. This also Happened to my Husbands Card as well.

Then to my understanding they took a blank card, gave that card all my info, which lets them go to ANY ATM, and use it as their own.

Here I am getting all huffy & puffy because I can not seem to make a deposit at the local ATM with my card and put Money into my account. So I leave the ATM to talk to the people at the local bank to find out why I am not able to money into the bank...... I am thinking to myself...."What Bank in the World would not let you PUT MONEY INTO IT". The bank teller was very nice, explained to me that it must have something to do with my bank card or my bank, they were even kind enough to look up the number for my bank since THE NUMBER was not even on the Bloody card!

So here I go out the door calling my bank, while I am walking to the food store to buy nuts and chips for my yummy cookies.... DAMN I have to leave a message... Ok I leave the message.... I hope she calls soon but after I am out of the store, Its Friday and I really don't want to play phone tag, I REALLY WANT TO FIND OUT WHY ..I can not put money into the Bank Account!

Into the store I go.... I find the nuts and the chocolate chips, I am excited... I happily go up to the counter to pay for my goodies thinking about the yummy treats I am going to have for my kiddoes and husband when they get home... AND then something makes me frown... I look up to the nice lady working the counter, and she goes "Your card has made its Limit" I am thinking Limit... "my card doesn't have a limit" she says "would you like to swipe it again" I say No and hand her my American debit card. Complaining that I could not even put money into my account, she tells me that "ALOT of people today is having that same problem." I thank her....

Home bound I go...trying to think how this has happened, hoping the lady at the Bank calls me back soon. So as I am chopping my nuts, she does call... and I firmly explain to her that I am upset because it seems like something is going on with my card or the Banking system Every month... and she firmly tells me back "we do this for your protection etc." She tells me to go to my online banking account and WHACK (yes I felt hit in the face) as my focus on the missing dollars from my account from an ATM from two towns over. A heavy Sigh came from me and I ask how this happens... come to find out it happens alot in the area I live in. She tells me not to use any free standing ATMs in malls and such... which I rarely do anyways. She also informs me that it can happen even in normal shops such as food stores and clothing stores, She tells me I just have to get a feel of the place and the people that are checking me out...and when I am taking money out use a bank ATM...

Needless to say "AWW MAN", its Christmas shopping time and I have a check I can not seem to get cashed... I think life is testing me once again and if I just bought that TV I had my eye on we would not even had the money in the account to get taken in the first place.... hummm maybe my new motto is SPEND IT WHILE you can...because if you DON'T someone else will!

Self Love...

Self Love sounds like the most easiest thing to do...Right?

However, I believe its one of the hardest things to do..especially if you do not know How you lost it in the first place.

When we are babies all we know is self love, and no one judges us for that .... we cry when we are hungry, thirsty, hurt, for all the needs to be meet. As we grow we are expected not to be so needy of others, we are encouraged to learn for ourselves and try new things. As we move into being adults it turns and we need to be there for others and sometimes we get lost.

Looking back at one time in my life I do feel; I knew what Self Love was.... I was PROUD to be the Person I was... and some where along this path I lost it... My Mother likes to call it my FIRE, I like to believe she was speaking about my spirit.

I had children at what some people think is an early age.
I had my son, 2 months before my 21st birthday. Then about 2 and half years later I had my twins....

I am unsure how or when but some where along the way I Lost myself Love. And yes Even though I was what normal people would call Young, my soul is old and I have been told I have wisdom beyond my years of age.

I also know it was not something that happened overnight.... I am Strong... I am a Fighter!

I still became Broken.... I was judged... I was shamed.... I felt unable to be a good mother for my children because I did not meet others expectations of what They thought a good Mother was. I fought to be a good mother. I tried to change, slowly my spirit died.... my Fire as my Mother called is was almost gone... I Gained ALOT of weight, which gave me more judgements.....and self judgements .....(thoughts of how did I let it get this way, is this really who I am, am I nuts?) Nothing I did pleased them and no matter how hard I tried it was never good enough... they always wanted more. I thought I was going insane....
At this time I did not know what reflections were....
All I knew was people I thought loved me and I looked up to; found faults with things I believed were right and set out to go against everything I did, wanted, and believed. Even made it seem as if I was just out to get them... which was not like me at all....  and over time I started to believe them.

I knew DEEP DOWN I was a good mother. 

Thankfully I have Angels, that watch over me, my children and my husband.
Those angels sent me to good Nice people, people that gave me hope and held my flame from burning out.
People that told me on a daily bases that I was a good person, I was smart, funny and a proud momma, they prayed for me and wished me well on any path I took in life. They held no judgements toward me, even though they knew I was different from them. They truly showed me what love was.

With that I knew myself Love was still there ( the fighter inside me would not give up) but it was burning really low, everything was running low.... only a small dim light showed a path.... and I knew this path would forever change my life.

Our move to Salt Spring Island was a challenge, we were tested, we fought hard and were blessed with more angels...

Life On Salt Spring was different from anything I could ever imagine, when people ask I just shake my head and smile, I can not explain to them what life is like there...

I often wish I made better use of my time on SSI with making friends and enjoying the island life. However I knew I had alot of self healing and reconnecting to do with my family.... after being Broken for so long I forgot who I was and my trust for people was not so great. When we first moved to SSI I Cried Ever Single Day, then slowly it turned into once a week, it turn into random odd times, and I still cry jut not as often or as hard.... I knew I was healing, slowly the weight I had gained was coming off, it felt like it was just melting off of me. A small handful of people came into my life on SSI and I am thankful to those people. They are my angels.

Now that we live in the city .... I am healing in a new way, self Discovery.... and self Love.

Learning that its OK to be Who I am... I am honest, funny, smart, talented, passionate, thankful, nonjudgmental and cheeky.

I am stepping out slowly trying to make connections, finding myself, learning that I am a good person.
I strive to be a great mother and wife, but not to others expectations ( well maybe some of my husbands). But mainly to myself and trust me No one in this world is harder on me then Me.... with that being said I have to learn that I am not perfect and love even my flaws.
I am learning how to forgive and I hope to earn forgiveness....
I am learning to let go of anger from my past,
I am learning how to forgive myself and to fall in love with myself.
and I do all this in hopes to show my children the path of self Love.